faces and places.
We, as humans, are too proud of our abilities. We think we're the best in language, the best memory, the best technology. But really, we are not all that.
I get upset when I see musicians throwing food in the climax of their music video. Don't you have other uses for that? Like putting it into your mouths? Or somebody else's? Some videos at least tell people that the food are the ones that were gonna get thrown away anyway. And maybe some are plastic, but do we know for sure? Oh wells. Maybe its just me in my funk.
On another note, I wanna talk about forgiveness. I watched a Martha Stewart episode the other day and someone came on it to talk about forgiveness. According to her, we can and should forgive someone. This doesn't mean that we should give them a formal apology (Ergo: I'm sorry. Face to face), it doesn't mean that we need to ever see them again
AND it doesn't mean that we should even be friends again. Which appealed to me A LOT.
For one, I do not wish to see the people that I need and should forgive. I do not want to see their faces, shadow nor smell their scent. Most of all, most of all, I do not want to be their friends again for I do not trust them nor trust myself
with them.
Secondly, I think my life is rosy without them. No gossips, no fuss, no mess, nothing. I am at peace. I've let the past go and it really is looking like I've the whole world ahead of me. Rampant opportunities.
However, there's a but here that I cannot remember. Ah, yes. This whole forgiveness on your part thing. Is it the Islamic way? If not, then what is? The thing here is I wanna be level-headed and not stupid. What if the Islamic way is to be friends again, apologize upfront and smile to this other person when you see them on the streets? I cannot do that. Good god, no. Even thinking about doing such a
merepek thing hurts. I mean, you don't trust this person, why even bother being nice? So if you're friends they expect you to be nice, come over say hello, talk a lil bit of super no meaning small talk like it'll solidify and cement and carve the friendship in stone, pfftt.
I don't want emotions to get in the way (mine). I don't want mixed messages (theirs). And I don't want pretend-ness. Let's not pretend you didn't hurt me. Let's not pretend you didn't abandon me. Let's not pretend you didn't listen to me. Let's not pretend you trust me. Let's not pretend we're alright.
Let's.
Not.
Pretend.
If the way to go about doing this is to make friends again, I won't do it. I won't.
I won't be able to stand all the fakeness. I remember when I made friends again with a person who I know wasn't good for me. While I toughened up for the blow that eventually came, I can't say it didn't hurt. I will not put myself up to that and know that some time later, it would all come crashing down again and I would feel like the biggest dumbass for the mistake that I knew was a bad idea in the first place. No. I respect myself too much to stoop that low.
The message here is clear:
I want to forgive. Not be friends.
