woah i'm feeling really lousy.

my computer is in a you-gotta-see-it-to-believe-it state and i've got no idea how to handle the upcoming school semester with it being in shambles.
there's no cash laying around, there's no parents mucking about and there's no spare interest in life right now.

depressing state really.


i've always been a big believer in crushes. they make you more out-going, make you glow, show off your best whatever it may be, and make you wake up with the hopes that you might catch the glimpse of that person again.
lately, crushes have not been working for me. it fades too fast and reality comes knocking with an anvil and the responsibilities of being in school, being an adult and the future prospect of work shakes me back to the mundane routine of life.
i'm not one to want to grow up. i'm perfectly content in denims and tees and scoff at make up and dresses even at my age. but age is unforgiving, and the additional candle on top of every cake of every birthday pushes you to the edge of growing up.
almost everyday it dawns on me that i'll only finish studying in my mid twenties and i look at myself and cannot imagine myself that far away.
life sucks to put it simply. but you've got to suck it up as well.


nevertheless, i feel myself growing. i'm thinking much more clearly, long term or short term goals are not so blurry, i'm rationalizing more and i actually stall before i throw my cares in the wind.
i thank god for my clarity and hope that He gives me more sensibility and strength.
thus far, i'm proud of myself.


life still sucks, but i've got a date with some more bangs and booms and that makes me happy for now.
thank you.  ¶ 3:35 PM