the pipettes i've suddenly had the irresistible urge to blog. but i've no idea of/for what. there are some really eclectic shops in arab street which i really love. nu-rave, indie, ska, whatever tickles your fancy shmancy pantsy. i'm missing shopping at queensway suddenly. there's something wrong with the stability function in my brain. bugis was absolute love. fan-fucking-tastic.

i'm nervous. i don't know what the heck my future holds. i'm kinda sick of people telling me of the "right" thing to do. hey, watch your mouth okay? this is my life. i'm so ashamed of showing my face for some reason. like family members who have some pre-notion of me. if i don't live up to that, then it's like such a sham. and i'm so sick of singapore. i just want to go somewhere else. get new outlooks, set new dreams, get new friends, new surroundings. singapore is where i'll always call home - as cliched as that sounds - but i want to run away from expectations.

i figure that if i go somewhere far, somewhere alien, where i don't know the culture, the language, i'll somehow withdraw myself, and find peace with myself. i do want to absorb the whole new-ness of this place wherever it might be, but i want some time alone. really alone. i get lonely very easily, but when you're in a new place, there's just a charm about it. no one knows the real you. you can build yourself to be the kind of person you want to become. no one has to know of what you did in the past or what you're expected to do or whatever. and somehow, i want to be kind of discriminated in a very minuscule way, so that i'll be an unknown. a hermit, if you must.


or am i never gonna leave singapore? besides not having a future, this is another thought that scares me. i believe studying abroad builds character and makes you more conscious of the world outside. if you're just gonna stay in that one familiar country, you're never gonna gain experience.


i'm thinking way too much.  ¶ 11:16 PM