you you wanna do something childish?
yeah, let's get on with it.

but you know. imma stop my fingers from doing the shit that they can
they do the most fucked up of things
you were a coward.
after all that's been done, you didn't even bother to choke out a THANK YOU to me face to face.
i feel that i deserved at least THAT.
i may ask for it back but i know it makes your life easier.
when i miss it i ask to see it
but i know what it means to you
it makes for the whole world all the more easier to contact you
your family, your friends, your band members
maybe you've got your own now.
but i don't care.
whatever.


as for what happened.
you never bothered to clarify things
never bothered to talk to me
you think i wasn't scared to meet the both of you?
i even planned to tell her that i couldn't make it
cowardly, i agree, but at least i stuck to it.
and i was ready to be shouted at by YOU.
no one else but you.
but you went so far away, you know NOTHING of what happened.


whatever.
ugh. i've got no words la.
my guilt should've told me something was wrong
but maybe i'm too carefree.
whatever that's going on in my head, i cannot explain.
sheesha was a mistake. i was oblivious.
i never saw it. i don't know if you'll believe but i didn't know
we all see things in our own point of view.
and me with my rose tinted glasses

maybe what i told you misled you
but it doesnt mean you can restrict my movements
it doesnt mean you can assume 1001 things
i'm not mad.
i'm telling you.
i know myself.
if you tell me NO. i'll do it to spite you.

but i wasn't doing it to spite you or anyone else.
i don't know what i want la.

you demanded from me.
i want my freedom.
i'm not one to be tied down.

running out of words.
but think about then.
i know enough not to assume and read too much into what people say.
unless i say it with conviction and passion and whatnot.
i'll do whatever i want.

yes, doing whatever i want, whenever i want will get me into fuckloads of trouble.
but i'm young.
mistakes come easy.
and my mum still loves me.
so i don't care.


i miss victoria theatre.
i miss romeo and juliet
i miss capulet
i miss verona
i miss macbeth
i miss mrs selva
i miss literature very much.



i miss arfie baby.
she's all too sweet.

miss my classroom
sitting with leong and kiat and salleh
miss tuna hainanese chicken rice
but i dont miss the canteen food
and i dont miss the green in my eyes
and the caring that you don't do.
"i'm restria. do i know you?"
get ready for that.

SHOWDOWN BABY!  ¶ 2:27 PM