i'm not hearing your thoughts
the silence is deafening

there are other-worldly things out there;
those that lie
those that tell you stories
and those that believe in rainbows and ponies and candycanes and cinnamons


well, reality check buggers
fall from your heaven and hit the ground.
hit fast and hit hard
if you're lucky, you could hit your head
then all your perspectives of before would be scrambled
or better yet, you die.


i just want you to suffer
nothing is a bed of roses
not without thorns

i hate the smell of earth

i wanna puke all over your filthy hands
i wanna fling phelgm all over your stinking messed up words
words that don't mean nothing.
i saw it coming
i knew it was temporary
but i never knew you would make it sound so serious
like it would all be different somehow
when in actual fact, it isn't


how many times have i been fed lies like this again and again?
and it's not like i don't know that i'll get hurt.
i KNOW.
but there's this irrational fear inside of me of losing everyone
EVERY-FUCKING-BLOODY-ONE
so i rationalise that everyone deserves another chance.

i'm not like some people who can stick with their decisions coz you know, hey!
i've got a thousand more people willing to be friends with me.
no, i'm not like that.
i'm more of a WE'RE DONE! -please tell me you'll still fight for me i don't really wanna lose you and i love you very much-
and more of a tossing and turning and thinking and fretting and breaking before i go to bed
and more like a am i doing the right thing? am i? AM I?!
and maybe i should give them a call
and ok i treasure them so whaddaheck
kinda person.

so i don't like sleeping at night knowing that i've gained an enemy
but that's life.
we can't all be winners
we can't make everyone love us
but we can try.
we can.

so tell me again why i did it?
i know its not coz i'm nice.
i'm concentrated evil at my best.

GULLIBLE
that's the word.

so let me cry in the darkest of nights
and let my sobbing lull you to sleep
you've done what you do best yet again
gain the satisfaction and delusion that you yearn for
and i hope you find your peace and center
and hope my cries send you to sleep


"happy endings are unfinished stories"  ¶ 12:23 AM