sometimes sometimes when i hear what someone has to say i get completely thrown off guard. i never feel that i measure up. and i never feel as important to that person as somebody else.

its hard. when all this time has passed, and all has been said and done, and all the time and unfortunate circumstances has happened for one to move on or forget or just basically make the transition from one state to another.

but even after all that or whatever the case is, i still feel small and unappreciated and well, unimportant. because, even after all the goddamned time, its still second nature to ask myself "what am I anyways?" or "how long has that person known me as compared to somebody else?" or even worse "would you fight for me? still."


the most sickening thing that's like the cherry on top is the fact that that one person has such an extensive vocabulary and expresses their emotions better than i can. so when one strings together their sentence so simply and so tactlessly, it hurts to such an extent that all i can do is read it a few times over, let it sink in and well, cry meaninglessly.

it brings to mind some questions. have i been a good enough friend? have i been there for all the times that you could have needed me but were just too proud to say it? some others too but i can't find the right words.

its been said and it rings true. wishing for time to turn back is the biggest cliche ever. i could make it change. make it work. but the green eyed monster will only be rid of with time. lots of it. say 2years? haha. because i will always think that the others were much more of an importance to you and i can/could never share that spot.

i guess i do have my answer. i havent been too much of a friend as compared to the others.  ¶ 9:17 PM